The White Armor.

     The White Armor.

A Jiu-Jitsu Diary Story.

By:Kurama Padilla (Diomark Diaz).

It was Saturday, March 20, 2021, at 9 am when I first tried Jiu-Jitsu. I remember walking into the class in nerves, my anxiety was at an all-time high, I was anxious. I continued to ask myself why would I put myself through this. Furthermore, I'm 31 years old. I'm too old for this. What would people think or say about me? I doubted myself beyond belief. I was scared. Not only that, but I wasn't sure what the outcome would be for me in this new physical environment. 

As soon as I walked through the doors, my mind quickly began to charge into battle with questionable thoughts while answering myself with doubtful answers such as What if they laugh at me? They are going to laugh at me for sure. What if I hurt someone? What if someone hurts me? How would I provide for my family if I'm hurt? I should leave right now? It wouldn't be difficult for me to leave, when my body wants to run out.  Till this day I couldn't understand, how did I have so much will power to contain myself from leaving. 

My eyes locked in focused, scanning my surroundings.

Heavy breathing… hands sweating… fingertips trembling… heart racing. On the inside, I could hear my own heart beating while my mind was racing and I… attempting to retake control of my body and mind by yelling inside my head, screaming at my thoughts. 

Take a deep breath and just breathe.

Minus the shaking Of my hands, in which I quickly crossed my arms so that no one couldn't notice. The rest of ME, I appeared to be emotionless. Calmed, as if nothing faced me or impressed me. Little did anyone know I was a ticking time bomb. I was about to blow. The nerves of steel that my appearance presented were about to rupture as if someone took a can of soft soda, shucked it and opened it without a care in the world, but before I burst…

I overcame…

The decades of war between the body and the mind that feel infinite and nearly impossible to win…to balance… to conquer... or just to control... In that defining moment I overcame and in that endless bunched up, tangled, full of wire knots connected to a bottomless whole of channels containing emotions of oceans of content. Produced by trauma, fear, heartache, heartbreak, disappointment, imprinted memories of anger with a tiny spark of hope. I found myself. The beautiful sound of peace begins to emerge that can only be described as silence... with only me... myself... and I.

 Watching everything as if my eyes were lenses on a camera, my brain recording every microsecond of life that's pending to happen, capturing little by little. Students walked into class, saluting one another, proceeding to bow down before their foots filled with sock fuzz touched the floor mats and yet as life continued to flow naturally in my head it was completely silent without an eco. Inhaling and exhaling managing my breathing is key to regulating my thoughts and body, giving the spiritual awakening to concluded... Finally, I am ready for what is to come.

I was zoned out when I heard a squeaky voice saying Hi, can I help you? That person must have been trying for a while to get my attention when I finally realized someone was talking to me if I am being honest. I turned my head slightly right, and the first thing that caught my eye was the standard pocket-size patch, located on the upper left side of this individual's chest. I stood gazing at it for a couple of seconds and there it was... The prideful insignia of the academy. Once again, I became inattentive and lost in soundless thoughts. And there it was, yet gain. Sound began to emerge into my earlobes, exiting the silence with squeaky tone stating and questioning. Hello, can I help you?

I rapidly snapped out of what hypnosis state I was in, grasped into reality and quickly apologized while proceeding to introduce myself.

The person or individual that had been trying to gain my attention. Appears to be a young woman in her late twenties and early thirties. She was no taller than 5'2 or maybe 5'3. Long silky black hair. She had a bright white GI on with a brown belt. Due to the GI I couldn't really tell what her physical form was but the little that I could see, she was into fitness. She wasn't built with muscle, so she wasn't a weight lifter, but she did have a strong stance and was very stocky, which led me to believe that she must have a strong core? Maybe she did some form of CrossFit, I asked myself. I soon realized my ADHD was getting the better part of me, realizing my mind was going off track again, so I simply focused on the task at hand and continued to engage in conversation with her. 

The woman in the white GI and brown belt was the wife of the man who opened the Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Academy. She was there to teach the Saturday morning class.

The white GI, Brown Belt veteran female instructor asked me for my size, so I gave it to her. Before she walked away with her eyes, she observed my physical Physique, looking up and down. Pondering in her thoughts and simply replied: hmm, ok. I'll be right back. 

It didn't take her 2 minutes before she returned while extending her arm, handing me a white GI with a white belt and once again simply replying: Go try this on and see if it fits. And it did perfectly. The veteran Brown Belt walked me through on how to tie my white belt the proper way and yet again simply replied.... Now you are ready ... The class is about to start.

The End.